Sleepless Nights
by Renowitz
Summary: Howard Moon suffers from insomnia. His life is a miserable disaster until he meets Vince Noir. He helps him get a job at the Zooniverse and for the first time in a long time, Howard can finally sleep again. With sleep comes strange dreams, and stranger realities. What's real and what's not anymore- has it gone too far? Howince
1. Chapter 1

The Zoo is a miserable place with miserable animals and the Zooniverse is the worst offender.

Howard moon was a 35 year old man with light life-less wavy brown hair and a thin mustache. He was a tragically handsome man. He had the look of a sad shadow as he shuffled around the zoo with a broom and a bucket day after day. None of his coworkers were interested in talking to him as the vibes he put out weren't exactly friendly. He ate his lunch alone, fed the animals alone and cleaned up their pens alone. His days were long and dry, and out of loneliness he often talked to himself.

He mused about how he should be so much bigger than the zoo, and how no one else's opinions mattered but his own, and how he would show them all. It was such loser talk that even the animals were frustrated with his constant lamenting.

At the end of the day Howard would shuffle to the Zookeeper's quarters where he lived thanks to the kindness of the Zoo's previous Owner Tommy Nookah. Before getting hired at the zoo Howard was a University drop-out. He had all the brains but the lack of friends, and the bullying from peers was too much for him. His parents were ashamed and turned him away, so he found himself on the street. That was where Tommy Nookah found him, between two bins in an alley behind the zoo. He saw something in Howard and offered him a job at the zoo and a dry place to sleep.

Things were looking up for Howard as he spent his days mentoring under Tommy and learning the ropes at the zoo. He became very interested in animals and studied them on his free time, reading every book the zoo had to offer. Tommy became a role model and a best friend for Howard. The only friend he'd ever really had. Howard dreamed of becoming head zookeeper and one day taking over the zoo- his life had purpose again and for a brief time he was happy.

That all changed when Dixon Bainbridge bought the zoo.

Pay cuts were made, people were fired, and animals were not given the proper care the needed to survive in captivity. Bainbridge was a man of the world, and a very greedy one at that. He was always after his next dollar and he saw the zoo as an opportunity. Tommy and Bainbridge went head to head several times before Bainbridge had him mysteriously disappear. Howard was once again alone, but luckily he was allowed to live at the zoo even after Tommy was gone.

Tommy was replaced by a dimwitted man named Bob Fossil. No doubt Bainbridge selected him because he was easily manipulated. Fossil regularly ridiculed Howard and made him feel like the scum of the earth. He would put Howard through his paces and make his life a living hell. Things were worse now than they had been when Howard lived on the streets. The stress from his long days were keeping him awake through the night.

Night after night Howard would lay awake staring at the ceiling of the zookeeper's quarters. He tried counting sheep, he tried reading, he tried repeating facts about animals he'd read about, but nothing helped him to sleep. Now he was a shell of a man shuffling around the zoo with a broom and a bucket.

On this particular day Howard was sweeping the walkways for the customers. His eyes staring at the ground as he stroked the pavement slowly with his corn-broom. He stared for so long he started to get lost in the movement of the sweep. It had been months since he slept, he desperately wanted to see a doctor about it but that was out of the question. So he found himself zoning out on a regular basis through the days.

"Are you alright?" A soft male voice accompanied by a gentle touch to the shoulder woke Howard from his trans. He looked up into the eyes of a young man with a cheeky smile and a large hairdo.

"Yeah." Howard shook his head in embarrassment. "Sorry, enjoy the zoo." He turned quickly to walk away.

"Wait-" Howard stopped. A kind person talking to him felt very strange and unnatural. He turned slowly. The young man stood there with a hip out and both hands in his pockets. "This monkey is hungry." Howard's brow became wrinkled in confusion but did not make eye contact.

"The monkeys are fed routinely twice a day." He said his rehearsed line while staring at the ground shoulders slumped.

"Right, well that's not what he said." The young man threw his thumb backwards to gesture the monkey sitting behind him on a branch. The monkey had his tiny hands wrapped around the bars and looked straight at the young man. Howard gulped and now looked the man right in the eyes. "He says he barely gets one meal a day these days."

"How do you know that?" Howard shifted uncomfortably and wrapped his arms around himself and the broom handle.

"I just told you, didn't I? He said it to me." Again he thrust his thumb back at the monkey.

"That's impossible. Monkey's don't talk." Howard shook his head and looked at the ground with wild confused eyes.

"They talk to me." The man shrugged. "All the animals talk to me. That's why I come here." He flashed a smile and threw his head to the side.

"Yeah right." Howard tried to laugh but it came out as a weird breath and a creepy smile. His eyes darted up and back down quickly. "Look, I haven't slept in days I'd really appreciate you not messing with me. Please enjoy the zoo." Howard turned his back and began walking away. But the young man followed close behind.

"Wait- why haven't you slept in days?" He was right beside Howard now, looking directly into his eyes. Howard's eyes shifted to his and back down as he tried to speed walk away from him.

"I have insomnia. It's pretty common."

"No way! So how long has it really been- since you've slept?" He looked at Howard with wonder- it was a kind of look that made Howard feel like maybe he was someone people would want to talk to. He stopped walking and tried to straighten his back a little.

"It's been at least 3 months." His shoulders dropped again. "Or at least I think it's 3… you lose all track of the days when you're awake all the time."

"Cool." The young man looked on and nodded his head. Howard looked at him with confusion.

"It's not that cool, is it? I don't sleep. It's like a living nightmare. Every day is the same and there is no end to it. It could drive a weaker man mad." Howard looked right at the young man now.

"I imagine I would just party through the nights, work through the days."

"You wouldn't last five days without sleep." Howard scoffed. "You're a cream puff, you'd break down."

"I would not, I'm as hard as they come."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Right then."

The two men were standing face to face looking directly at each other. Something Howard never did. It was a weird sensation for him- having a real conversation with someone. There was silence for a moment and then Howard looked away awkwardly.

"I can really talk to animals though." The young man said slowly swinging himself back and forth and looking at the ground. "I've been able to do it since I was a little boy." Howard looked down at the man's face to see some sign of lies- but there was nothing. He almost felt bad for him, coming to the zoo all the time, trying to make sense of this strange gift he had.

"Maybe I can get you a job here." Howard said it without really thinking first. The man looked up at him with a huge grin.

"Could you really? I mean, I've never really had a job before- but working here must be fun!"

"Not as fun as you'd think… but if you need a job, I'll see what I can do." Howard felt a warm feeling inside. Something he'd felt once before, when Tommy had offered him a job. It felt as though he was passing the torch and he felt proud.

"My name is Vince by the way, Vince Noir."

"Howard Moon."

"That sounds like a Jazz name." Vince laughed as he shook Howard's hand. Howard gave a genuine smile.

"I love Jazz."

* * *

A/N: First Boosh fic. I've really wanted to write this for a long time- I'm totally fascinated by these characters. Feedback is truly appreciated. /p


	2. Chapter 2

Howard came through on his word to get Vince a job at the zoo. It didn't take much convincing, for when Bob Fossil laid eyes on Vince his strange pervy little mind let off bells and whistles. Howard felt almost bad bringing Vince into a world where Bob Fossil rules, but Vince was grateful none the less.

Vince had no home to go to as he had run away from home at a young age. He told his parent's that he thought he was gay and they couldn't stand to look at him anymore. Vince was horrified, the family that he assumed would love and accept him no matter what turned him away at a time he needed them most. Since then he'd been living on friend's couches and hopping from place to place living the life of a glam nomad. He worked odd jobs here and there, but he never lasted long. He was starry eyed and couldn't keep his head out of the clouds long enough to perform tasks.

Howard took pity on Vince, he was only five years younger but Howard felt he had a duty to step up and protect him somehow, like a lost bird. Howard knew all about living on the streets and being homeless, it was something he didn't wish on anyone. He invited the younger man to stay in the Zookeeper's quarters with him. Vince was delighted by the idea.

Months had past and Vince was doing a great job at the zoo. Everything felt happier with Vince around, and everyone loved him. Even Howard had begun to feel more chipper. He tried to strike up conversations with coworkers he had worked with for years, but they didn't recognize him and it made him feel small again. Vince often tried to cheer Howard up with comforting words, assuring him that he was a great guy and that he just needed to put himself out there more and people would react.

Howard and Vince began to form a very close bond. The two men would talk into the night, making up silly songs and playing stupid games and even making up stories of wild adventures they would someday have. They were like peas in a pod. Howard had never had a best mate before, but he knew this is what it was like. Finally he had somebody that totally understood him, finished his sentences, stood up for him and made him feel like a real person.

He knew that Vince was gay, but he also knew that he was very much straight so he was comfortable with their friendship. Sometimes things would get awkward into the night, Vince would be a little too flirty and Howard would get uncomfortable. He chose to totally ignore Vince's advances and either change the subject or leave the room.

The result was difficult for Vince. He was really falling for Howard, but he knew Howard was straight. He couldn't help himself from flirting or touching despite Howard constantly pushing him away. He never gave up. Vince had a feeling he was drawn to Howard for a reason. They were meant to be together. No one had amazing chemistry like they did to just be friends. Every day there were small victories. Every day there was a bigger crack in Howard's shields.

Weeks had passed and Howard was beginning to feel attractions for Vince that he hadn't noticed before. He tried to smother them and hide them away inside himself. He knew he wasn't gay, he was just a lonely man. He wasn't about to sleep with his best mate out of desperation only to have it ruin their friendship. Never the less, having Vince around gave Howard peace and comfort. Vince would sleep on the floor of the Zookeeper's hut so soundly every night, and Howard would just watch.

Watching him sleep was exactly what Howard needed to help him get over his insomnia. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

* * *

The next day was a sunny one. Everything seemed to be so bright and cheerful. Vince and Howard were cleaning out Bollo the gorilla's cage. Vince brushed Bollo's hair and talked to him quietly while Howard shoveled the waste into a wheelbarrow. It was a very peaceful day, and both men were smiling to themselves.

Suddenly, just out of the corner of his eye, Howard saw a woman walking into the Reptile Room with a large snake draped over her shoulders. Her hair was pinned up neatly and her uniform suited her well. Howard found himself staring at her, as if he were bewitched by her very appearance. He wanted to run over and get her name, ask her to dinner, take her to the theatre- but instead he froze there, watching her.

"Hey, what you doing?" Vince asked in an almost accusing tone. He set his brush down and walked towards Howard who was still staring at the woman.

"Who is she?" Howard sighed.

"That's Mrs. Gideon, just hired her this week. Works with snakes." Vince made a snake impression with his face and laughed.

"She's beautiful." Howard's eyes never wavered from her person. Vince frowned and crossed his arms.

"Yeah? She's not all that great." He puffed. "What about me?" Howard snapped into consciousness as Mrs. Gideon disappeared into the reptile room.

"What you mean? What about you." He looked at Vince up and down from over his shoulder. Vince let out an annoyed sound and left the cage. Howard turned round and stared at the reptile room door. Bollo made soft low grunts behind him.

For days after that Howard stalked Mrs. Gideon. He would try to talk to her but would get too nervous and hide behind a bush or a sign. He was desperate for her attention, and often asked Vince for advice- which would only make Vince irritated and want to leave the room. Howard would shrug it off, he supposed to some his musings of love could be annoying.

Howard turned his advice to a kiosk vender in the zoo named Naboo. He was dressed up as a shaman and sold rare and magical items from his window. He found Howard slightly annoying but indulged him anyway and tried to help him with his problems.

"How does Vince feel about all this?" Naboo was on a fifteen minute break and smoking a hookah in the back of his little kiosk.

"Vince? I don't know. Probably a little annoyed." Howard was confused by the question, but Vince and he were best mates and everyone always saw them together so maybe that was normal. Maybe it's totally normal for your best-mate to have a say in your love life.

"Hmm." Naboo pulled from his hookah and blew all the smoke up into the air around them. "I don't know what to tell you Howard… You should talk it out with Vince." Howard grumbled at the lack of help but thanked Naboo for his time anyway. Howard was right back where he started, and he wasn't too sure he wanted to talk to Vince about it anymore. Vince was becoming a real pill lately.

When he arrived in the Zookeeper's quarters Vince was throwing together a fruit smoothie in the blender. Vince smiled to himself when he heard Howard come in and approach him. He was still mad at the older man but was willing to forgive.

"Mrs. Gideon ring for me today?" Howard asks coming up behind Vince in the kitchenette. Vince scoffed and shook his head as if Howard had told him a joke. I guess he wouldn't be forgiving just yet.

"As if she's going to ring for you." He jested meanly. There was a silence and Vince began to wonder if this was all just a phase for Howard. Like he needed to prove he was a man still. "I mean, she might do." Howard looked beaten and sighed deeply.

"Yeah, you're right. Why would she ring for me she thinks I'm an idiot." He looked down at the counter. Vince hated seeing Howard like this.

"Hey come on, Howard. There's plenty of reasons why she wouldn't ring for you." Vince went into a list of excuses to make Howard feel better but it wasn't working. He didn't like talking about Gideon but he had hoped if he got this out of the way they could focus on what they had. It wasn't an easy task though, Vince was beginning to get frustrated with him. Howard started musing about Gideon's features and it only made Vince angry. He turned the blender on to drowned out Howard's words. He could only stand so much of this lunacy.

"Do you mind?" Howard asked annoyed. "Doing a poem, Mrs. Gideon." He sighed and flew past Vince and onto the couch. Vince instantly felt bad, Howard was clearly going through some identity crisis and Vince was being a jerk about it. He truly did hate seeing Howard depressed. Howard pulled a pillow onto himself for comfort and started fiddling with the edges. Vince joined him on the couch.

"Come on Howard. I think you're going about it all the wrong way with Gideon."

"What you mean?"

"Well you know, you know you ask her out, she says no and what do you do about it? Hang about her garden all night, weeping into her fish pond." Howard's eyes shifted. How did Vince know about that, wasn't that a dream?

"How'd you know about that?"

"How do I know? It's in all the papers! Man kills coy carp with human tears, pages 4-44." Howard looked around confused. Vince must have been playing a trick on him, he must have told him about the dream. "They interviewed the carp, he was furious." Vince reached a hand down to touch Howard's arm. "I don't think you understand women." Howard breathed out. "What do you think women like?" He wasn't sure of the answer. He knew what he liked.

"Trumpets? ... and bookmarks?" From their Vince went on to correct Howard and tell him what women really liked, that they liked edgy characters who break the rules. He hoped that by helping Howard he'd figure out what he really wanted and who he really was. Unfortunately the plan started to backfire when Howard tried to convince himself, and Vince that he was some sort of rule breaking man's man.

That was when Bob Fossil called for Howard to come to his office. He didn't want to respond right away, but then when the second announcement came he was on his feet. Fossil asked him to wrestle a Kangaroo so that the zoo could make some extra cash. Howard was shocked and horrified at such an idea. He couldn't believe things had gotten so crazy at the zoo that they were actually considering fighting animals for money. He tried to decline but Fossil threatened him with naked photos.

Howard looked at the photos and was disgusted by his own body. He was always his worst critic and the first to body shame himself, but after revealing the photos to Vince and seeing his reaction he knew he would have to fight the kangaroo. He couldn't have Mrs. Gideon seeing the photos.

Vince helped Howard train all day for the fight and pumped up his confidence. Howard was beginning to feel as though he could take on the world. Howard thanked Vince for his help as the two men got into their sleeping bags for the night. Howard knew he would need all the sleep he could get to be prepared for the kangaroo the next day.

That night Howard had a strange dream.

Ever since he started being able to sleep again, he was having really vivid dreams. It was usually the same dreams every night. He would dream about boring days at the zoo and about Vince. It was as if his subconscious was more boring and pathetic than his real life. The only real twist was that he and Vince were always a couple in his dreams.

This particular night he dreamed he had was making out with Vince on the floor of the Zookeeper's quarters. The two men were totally naked and touching each other. The feeling was intense, almost like it was actually happening. Howard took control and pushed Vince down on his back. He grabbed both his legs and began making sweet love to him. Each thrust felt more real than the next. Howard felt as though what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't stop it. He didn't want to stop it.

Howard awoke.

* * *

A/N: In the words of Tommy Nookah: we all dream, but do we really dream? Of course we do... but do we really?


	3. Chapter 3

He felt very uncomfortable about his last dream. He felt guilty that he had that dream so frequently. Not as graphic, but usually snippets of intimate touching flashed through his brain in the night. Howard knew he wasn't gay, he loved women- so then why did he keep having these dreams at night? He debated if he was bisexual, but decided a dream is a dream and it was better that he didn't dwell on it. He was a straight man, and he pined for Mrs. Gideon.

He went on with his day preparing for the fight with the Kangaroo. He was nervous but confident that he could win. He would win this fight, and then win over the heart of Mrs. Gideon. He was pretty sure Vince had invited her for him- but couldn't be sure. Vince had been really irritated that morning at the very mention of Mrs. Gideon.

"I thought after last night you'd be over that?" Vince groaned angrily and brought a hand to his forehead as if he was suffering a massive headache.

"What you mean?" Howard asked dumbly. "I'm fighting a Kangaroo today, Vince. Don't you get it?" Vince looked at Howard as if he had just said the most ridiculous of things.

"No, I don't get it!" Vince shook his head and stormed out of the hut. Howard sat down on the couch and thought about the fight. Vince would get over his weird mood by then, he needed him there to help him win.

Vince did show up for the fight, wearing a ridiculous outfit and a wide smile. Howard knew he couldn't stay mad forever, he was happy his mate was there to support him. He didn't dare bring up their earlier talk before heading out, it wasn't the right state of mind to be in. He just quietly hopped from side to side thrusting his arms out in preparation.

The fight went on and Howard was on the ropes. He was facing death now and he knew he was ready for it. If he lost this fight he'd die of embarrassment anyway. That's when Vince jumped in twisted the Kangaroo's balls in his hand. Howard quickly punched the Kangaroo in the face and it went down fast. He couldn't believe it. Everyone began cheering. Vince joined him in the ring and the two hooped and hollered with joy.

That's when Howard saw Mrs. Gideon in the crowd.

Vince came through! He finally showed Mrs. Gideon what he was about. His excitement was so overwhelming and his confidence was through the roof. He decided he would take off his shirt like the manly man he was and toss it into the crowd to impress her further. Once the shirt was off his body the room fell silent and he could feel everyone staring at him. He suddenly felt his anxiety and self-consciousness come back. Gideon left the room with a hand over her mouth- assumingly prepared to vomit.

What a complete and utter failure.

That night Howard dreamed once again of Vince and the boringly drab zoo. He dreamed that Vince and him were having lunch together by the reptile room and holding hands. Vince said he forgave Howard for something that he had done in the past. It was hard for Howard to make out but he smiled and ate his sandwich none the less.

A few days after the Kangaroo incident tragedy struck the Zooniverse.

A fellow zookeeper, Joey Moose was killed on the job. Howard took the news hard, he had worked with Joey for 10 years. He was completely depressed by the loss, not that he ever really communicated with Joey, but it could have been him. It could have been anyone. A reminder that the zoo isn't always safe. He wasn't sure how to deal with his grief and Vince tried to help him, but Howard just wanted to be alone. He didn't have the patience for Vince's weird affections at that time.

Vince was frustrated and heartbroken from Howard's distance. Just when he was thinking things were looking up for them, the death of Joey Moose brings it all crashing back down. Howard wouldn't even let Vince touch him. Vince gave Howard his space, and took off for the day and spent the night at his old mate Leroy's place.

When Howard realized Vince was missing he became concerned. He searched all over the zoo for him. He was now upset with Vince for leaving him at such a difficult time, completely forgetting it was he who pushed him away. Howard visited Naboo in his kiosk and asked for his advice on the grieving process and where Vince might have gone.

"Why do you think I have all the answers?" Naboo asked as he brewed them both a cup of tea. Howard looked confused.

"Because you're a mystical Shaman?"

"Ah, right." Naboo nodded and sat down next to Howard and offered him his cup. "Well in that case, we all deal with death in different ways. You're coping in the usual way that you do, and Vince is maybe just grieving in his way. He probably just went over to Leroy's"

"What do you mean in the usual way that I do?" Howard asked.

"You know…" Naboo paused and stared for a minute debating whether or not to continue. He decided it was best not to go on and just change the subject. "Vince is probably back now, you should run along and find him." Howard nodded and stood up silently leaving the kiosk. Naboo let out a breath of relief and sipped his tea.

Vince had returned, just as Naboo had said, and he was painting in Bollo's cage.

"Hey." Howard stepped into the cage. Vince's face immediately brightened at the site of him. Howard assumed his trip to Leroy's did wonders for him.

"Hey Howard." He couldn't stop the smile on his face. He was frustrated with Howard but still happy to see him.

"How you doing?" Howard asked coming closer. He wondered if Vince wanted to talk about Joey or not.

"Alright." Guess not.

"What are you up to?" Howard smiled slightly and joined Vince. It was nice to be around him, his positive mood was already making Howard feel better.

"I'm doing Bollo's portrait."

"Oh." Howard nodded and took a step back when he realized how close he was.

"I'm doing him as Caesar, what you reckon?"

"Nice, Nice." Howard wanted to apologize to Vince for being a pill but wasn't sure how to go about it. "You can do me next, ya?" It came out flirtier than Howard anticipated. Were his dreams starting to come to life, was he flirting with Vince purposely?

"I can't really do people." Vince shut him down. It was almost like he was turning the table on Howard.

"Yeah, but you could do me… my face is a gift to any portrait." Howard went on and Vince continued to shut him down.

Then Gideon walked in. Vince was mildly annoyed by her sudden presence. She didn't see Howard right away and asked Vince about her python. Howard contemplated what to say while he stood behind the door, and decided he would go for a smooth pun. That was shut down pretty quick. Vince couldn't doubt he was enjoying Howard's struggle with Mrs. Gideon, he wanted to up the torture a little more to act like he was flirting with her.

After she left Howard was furious. He confronted Vince for flirting with Mrs. Gideon, and being in the childish mood he was Vince further antagonized him. Howard was so angry he grabbed Vince by the face and brought his close.

"If you go near her with a paint brush I will go at you like a mighty bazooka. I love that Lady. Alright?" Vince pushed his hands away angrily.

"Listen," He was hurt. "Don't start any of that funny business."

"Yeah? Or else?"

"Touch me and Bollo will rinse you out like a hot flannel." Vince was still hurt by Howard's obvious lack of attention to his feelings, and this was just the icing on the cake. The anger left Howard's eyes as he looked around.

"Where is Bollo?" The two men scattered and began calling for the lost gorilla.

"All staff members please report to the meeting area for an announcement." Bob Fossils voice echoed through the zoo.

"We better go, we'll find him later." Vince grabbed Howards arm.

Everyone was at the meeting, people Howard had never even seen before. Fossil was explaining that Joey Moose's death was the result of the missing python. This was Howard's chance to show off in front of Mrs. Gideon.

"I stand with Mrs. Gideon!" He said bravely, now suddenly wearing a monocle and holding a pipe. He briefly wondered when he'd pulled them out but ignored it.

"Who are you?" Howard's heart sank.

"I'm Howard Moon, we just spoke ten minutes ago?" Vince stood behind him, jealousy and second-hand embarrassment flowing through him. Gideon only shrugged.

"Anyone else?" Fossil asked. The crowd of zoo employees began to bombard him with questions of missing animals. He was starting to break down. He began singing to himself loudly in an attempt to calm down. That's when the gun went off.

"Everything is fine, I'm handling things here." It was Dixon Bainbridge holding a rifle directed at the sky.

"Where are all the animals Bainbridge?" Howard asked feeling particularly bold. "Somethings wrong here and I'm going to get to the bottom of this." Vince peeked over his shoulder as a sort of tiny hype-man.

"Shut up, Moon. You're way out of your depth."

Howard felt the anger rising up, he had already been embarrassed enough for one day. "Oh yeah, you want a piece of me?" He foolishly asked without thinking.

"You haven't got it to give." Bainbridge spat.

"The only reason I'm not coming at you now is because Vince is a delicate flower. Doesn't like violence."

"Get him Howard." Vince piped up, showing his mate support. Howard gulped.

"I'm also suffering from the flu." Vince sighed and rolled his eyes. Bainbridge was all set to fight him, the crowd gathered round and all eyes were on Howard. He began to feel that awful feeling he had when he faced the Kangaroo. Luckily, something strange ran between the cages and Bainbridge took off after it, quick as a wink. Instant relief for Howard.

Back in the hut, Vince agreed to paint Howard's portrait. He was feeling guilty about leaving Howard and knew it was a peace offering that would be accepted. He thought it was very strange that Howard was demanding a portrait of himself as a tough guy scaring off Bainbridge. Vince hadn't seen Bainbridge in days. He knew that Howard hated Bainbridge and that he had a right to with Bainbridge constantly harping on Howard whenever he was around. He was the meanest man they'd ever met, and always tried to come up with sleazy ways to make more money.

Howard asked to see Vince's painting, but it wasn't finished, Vince wasn't yet done the final touches to his face. Howard didn't seem to care, he happily bounced out of his pose and next to Vince to get a look at his painting.

"What's that?"

"That's your face." Vince answered gesturing to the large pink circle where a face should be. Howard was confused, was Vince having a laugh at his expense?

"That doesn't look anything like me." Howard frowned. Vince looked down at the painting, sure it wasn't finished but it still had most of his features correct.

"It look exactly like you." Vince seemed so honest in his answer that Howard began to feel like maybe that WAS what he looked like. Maybe that was why Gideon didn't remember him. He pondered it briefly before Mrs. Gideon burst into the room begging Vince to help her discover what happened to her python the night Joey Moose was killed.

Vince annoyed by her request, but urged on by Howard agreed to help. After a brief conversation with the snake Vince discovered Bainbridge was the killer. Howard took this as his opportunity to shine. He promised he would hunt down Bainbridge and find out his evil scheme.

He spent the next few days following Bainbridge around the zoo. He thought he was getting close to figuring out what was going on, but not before he was discovered and knocked out.

When he came to he was in some creepy dimly lit secret lab within the zoo. He never noticed a lab in the zoo before. He looked around and saw shapes moving around dark, unlit cage across the room. He was scared of what might be in it.

"The idiot has awoken." Bainbridge had his back to Howard. "Times have changed, Moon."

"What's going on?" Howard asked looking around again.

"Zoos are over." Bainbridge went on about his evil scheme to splice all the animals together, and even splice Howard with the python. The thought was terrifying. Howard tried to remain calm and insisted people would look for him. Bainbridge mocked him before leaving him alone in the dark.

Howard was oddly calm for some reason. He knew that deep down Vince would know something was up and come looking for him. He was confident his best-mate would notice he was gone. He tried to keep those thoughts in his head while the strange shadows in the cage grumbled and moved about.

Suddenly something came into the room. Howard felt fear paralyze him, he wondered if it had already been an hour. A man leaned over him wearing a doctor's mask.

"No!" Howard cried. Vince pulled off the mask to reveal his smile underneath.

"Howard it's me. How's your solo mission going?" Vince jested as he looked at the straps holding Howard down.

"It's going very well thank-you." He lied. "Followed Bainbridge, followed him to his secret lab, broke in, found Mrs. Gideon's python, it's all sorted.

"Wow." Vince said sarcastically. "It's all good then. How come you're lying down?"

"It was quiet tiring."

"Well you seem to be doing alright on your own, I'll see you back at the hut." Vince walked out of Howard's site and watched him freak out.

"Vince, get me out of here alright? Vince? Vince?!" The panic on Howard's face was reward enough for Vince. He leaned over till his face was right next to Howard's. "Get me out of here." Howard grumbled. Vince laughed and began undoing the buckles.

"Never go on a solo mission again." He chastised jokingly. Then suddenly a shadow caught his attention from the cage across the room. "Hey Howard what's that?"

"Don't look over there." Howard warned. "There's bad juju afoot." He said loosening his legs and rolling off the table. Vince curiously approached the cage. Inside were disgustingly hideous spliced creatures of Bainbridge's creation. They were horrifying and grotesque- but they gave Howard an idea to get back at Bainbridge. He decided to let the abominations loose so that they would be thankful to him and angry at Bainbridge. He grabbed Mrs. Gideon's python on the way out and presented it to her like a proud champion.

That night Howard dreamed that Vince and he were fighting over Gideon. They were fighting because Vince was Jealous.

"You can't just love me at night and then go on and on about some imaginary woman in the day time!" Vince yelled, his face was beginning to flush. "I'm not just your booty call Howard! One minute you make me feel like you love me back, treat me like a king- then you turn around and start pining for 'Mrs. Gideon' like none of it ever happened! I can't ride on this psycho rollercoaster with you forever! I thought we were done with that delusion but you keep bringing it back!" Howard was confused, he couldn't really grasp what Vince was saying. He felt really rotten for making Vince feel bad, even if it was just a dream. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm sorry." Was all that came out. He took Vince into his arms and held him close. He kissed Vince on the forehead. Vince pulled back to see Howard's face. In his dreams Vince always looked extra handsome to him.

"I'm such a fool." Vince sighed and sniffled a little as he wrapped his arms around Howard's neck and began to kiss him softly. Howard ran his hands up and down Vince's back, pulling his body tighter and tighter into his own. Somehow in the dream it didn't feel wrong to be with Vince, it felt very right and very natural.


	4. Chapter 4

Howard woke with a start and shook his head. He got up, put his uniform on and went about his day. They day almost would have been normal if Bob Fossil hadn't convinced Howard to wear a gorilla suit because Bollo was sick and dying. He figured his life couldn't get any more sad and pathetic, what was the point of fighting Fossil on this.

Unfortunately for him, his acting was so good that death actually mistook him for Bollo. Death took him half way to monkey hell before Howard spoke up and told him he had the wrong guy. He was then taken to purgatory where he was able to contact Vince to rescue him.

"Are you really dead, Howard?" Vince asked as Howard's ghost stood tall before him. There was a sadness to his voice, like he didn't truly believe it till just now.

"Yes, I know it's a shock. Death comes to us all, but I'm not afraid. It's the natural cycle- but I've been taken before my time, Vince."

Vince went to Naboo for guidance.

"He thinks he's dead now, Naboo. What do I do with that?" Vince sighed as he played with a few knickknacks that were lying around, an alligator in particular caught his attention and he began to fiddle with it. Naboo snatched the alligator from Vince's hands and set it on the table.

"Go rescue him." Naboo sighed. "That's obviously what he wants."

"I don't know if I should be feeding into it." Vince lazily tapped a finger to his chin. "But I suppose I have no choice." Vince left the Kiosk and continued on his quest to save Howard from Monkey hell. It was some big ordeal, but Vince was able to talk his way out of it with his vast knowledge of hair care products.

Howard was brought back to the zoo safe and sound and Vince was relieved that the whole experience was short lived. He made Howard a cup of tea to relax him before heading off to bed.

That night Howard dreamed that Bainbridge had been hanging around the zoo a lot more frequently. There were rumours going around that he was going to try to sell the zoo. Howard was devastated at the very idea. The zoo had been his home for nearly 20 years. If they sold the zoo most of the animals wouldn't make it and Howard and Vince would be on the street.

The nightmare felt too real and Howard forced himself to wake from it. His dreams were becoming too stressful for him, he almost missed the days when he didn't sleep at all.

The next day Bainbridge returned from his trip to the arctic tundra and was spinning grand tales of his adventures there. Howard was uneasy by the man's return as last night's dream was still clear in his head. Never the less they joined the others in hearing his heroic tails, no matter how fabricated and idiotic they were. Howard was annoyed at how everyone was fawning over Bainbridge.

"It's as if they all forgot about the mutant thing." Howard whispered in Vince's ear.

"Yeah." Vince nodded and smiled then shook his head and looked at Howard. "What?"

"The mutants?" Howard urged. Vince nodded slowly and turned back to Bainbridge's story.

Bainbridge talked about a mystical egg that he was searching for, and Howard knew right away that it was his shot at sticking it to the old windbag. He packed his things and convinced Vince to tag along with him.

The trip was brief, but they accomplished so much. They found the egg, stuck it to Bainbridge and returned to claim their glory at the zoo. Everything was looking up- that was until the egg turned out to be a fake and they were totally disgraced.

"Nothing ever works out in my favour." Howard mumbled as he climbed into his sleeping back.

"Do you ever think that maybe you're the reason for your own failure?" Vince climbed into his sleeping bag as well. Was he suggesting that Howard was purposely shooting himself in the foot? Like Howard set them up to find a fake egg in the middle of the arctic tundra? Howard laughed to himself and shook his head, it was all nonsense. But still… he couldn't shake the weird feeling those words gave him. It was as if he knew they were true but he wasn't sure how.

Howard slipped off into his dreamland where Vince and he were lying in the same sleeping bag and cuddling naked. He always started his dreams in confusion. His stirring caused Vince wake up.

"Alright, Howard?"

"Alright." Howard said awkwardly.

"Last night was a trip, as usual." Vince laughed and hugged Howard tightly. "We could do it again, yeah?" Howard looked at the ceiling in confusion. "Don't be mopey on me this morning, this move could be a good thing for us! A nice change."

Vince smiled his cheekiest smile and slowly sunk into the sleeping bag. Howard looked down in time to see Vince's eyes beaming from the dark of the bag and taking Howard into his mouth. The sensation was startling but he welcomed it. As long as Vince didn't know about these weird dreams he could just enjoy the ride.

A few days had passed since Howard and Vince had gone to the Arctic. Howard had just received news that Bainbridge was planning on selling the zoo that very week. He was horrified, his nightmares were coming true- the worst possible thing that could happen to him.

Howard had to come up with a plan to save the zoo. He thought the only way to save the zoo was to bring Tommy back from the dead. Maybe if Tommy was secretly still alive he would still own the zoo and be able to cut Bainbridge off. He had a strange hunch that maybe Tommy's disappearance was actually Tommy going into hiding because he knew Bainbridge had plans to kill him. Howard convinced himself that Tommy was alive and he would find him.

He dragged Vince with him into the Jungle room, which had been boarded up since Tommy's disappearance. The two men journeyed inside to begin the hunt.

When he did find him, Tommy was not at all like he remembered. He was a strange little cheese-head man who had completely lost his mind in a jungle room. It was a highly disappointing sight for Howard… his mentor had lost it. The idea of being so far gone like Tommy was scared Howard, he was sorry he ever tracked him down.

Despite Tommy's insanity he did help Howard and Vince save the Zoo from being sold. Howard was relieved that he wouldn't have to move, but Vince was not satisfied. He seemed uneasy and tense for the next few days.

"Howard, Fossil has asked us to transport the bear to another zoo." Vince played with his hair and avoided Howard's sudden eye contact.

"What? Why?!"

"He broke out of his cage and attacked some people." Vince shrugged.

"We can't leave the zoo now!" Howard started to panic. Vince raced to his side and rubbed his back.

"Sure we can, we're just taking the bear to happier place, and then we can come right back." Vince cooed. "Think of it as a fun little road trip." Howard let out a small smile and began to nod.

"I like road trips." He breathed. Vince let out a sigh of relief.

The two men gathered up the truck and whatever else they needed to get the bear ready to go. Howard watched as Vince talked quietly to Naboo about something. He wondered if they were talking about him. When Vince looked at him he looked away quickly so that Vince wouldn't know he was staring. Vince joined Howard and soon they were on the open road.

"Oh yeah, this is more like it, eh?" Howard said awkwardly in the silence of the truck. "Getting out on the open road, getting away from the zoo… yeah… I feel at home on the road, Vince." Howard continued on into a story about how he'd travelled around as a boy but he felt as though Vince was ignoring him.

The rest of the drive was frustrating from then on. Vince and Howard kept arguing over nothing till eventually Howard kicked Vince out of the vehicle. He felt bad for kicking him out after he'd done it, but he was trying to prove a point and refused to back down.

That was when he saw the hitchhiker.

* * *

Vince came out of the truck stop bathroom to find the truck gone. He began to panic, he never expected Howard to just drive off like that on his own. Vince slammed his fists into the wall angrily.

"What a stupid idea!" He spat out. His plan was to pack up the moving van and drive it around the countryside for a day so Howard wouldn't notice they were moving. He had hoped Howard would fall for the 'moving the bear' story and that everything would be good- but maybe Howard didn't fall for it. Maybe he was ditching Vince and returning to the zoo. Vince moaned angrily. If Howard went back to the zoo now he would see it being bulldozed. They had already over stayed after everyone had gone.

Vince started to walk out to the road and headed back towards the city. That's when an ambulance whizzed by him. He watched it head down the road and prayed it wasn't for Howard. He then heard a police car, he jumped out into the road and the car slammed on it's break.

"Bloody hell!" The cop screamed rolling down his window. Burnt rubber filled the air. "You better have a good reason for stoppin' me boy! I'm headed to an emergency!"

"Please sir, my friend is seriously mentally ill and he took off with our moving truck when I went in to take a leak. I think it might be him. Please take me with you." Vince held his hands together like a prayer and the cop sighed.

"Alright, hop in."

"Thanks!" Vince ran to the passenger side and the car sped off like a rocket. They quickly came upon the scene. A truck had smashed into a tree but there was no body. "This yours?" The officer said taking notes. Vince nodded, his eyes wide with horror. More cops joined the scene and spread out looking for Howard. Vince called his name and trudged through the swampy woods in his nice boots. He was terrified for Howard. Terrified that he might be dead and terrified he was going to get them into serious trouble with the law.

He saw something in the distance that looked like a boot and began running towards it. There, lying in the mud was Howard. His eyes were closed, his head gashed open and blood all over his zoo uniform. Vince crouched down to his side and held his head.

"Howard, Howard?" Vince tapped his cheek lightly with his palm till Howard's eyes shot open.

"Wuh!" He exclaimed. "He's a cockney nut job! I don't want to be offensive animal food!" Howard backed up quickly till his back was against a tree.

"Howard, it's alright!" Vince held his hands up.

"Vince?" Howard blinked. "Where are we?"

"You drove the truck into a tree, there's an ambulance here to take you to the hospital." Vince stroked Howard's arm till the gurney was brought through the woods to collect him. Vince watched as they took Howard away. It was all his fault, he couldn't control Howard anymore. The hallucinations were stronger and he couldn't compete with them anymore.


End file.
